Rabbi Breit's Blog

When the Israelites are about to go to war the Torah teaches that the leaders should say to the people, “Is there anyone afraid and disheartened? Let him go back to his home, lest the courage of his comrades flag like his,” or so translates JPS. And the translation is reasonable given that this is the culmination in a list of exemptions for soldiers who may have another mission they are called to be on — building family, tilling the earth, or making a home — that would make it impossible for them to fight in battle. But the Hebrew itself says וְלֹ֥א יִמַּ֛ס אֶת־לְבַ֥ב אֶחָ֖יו כִּלְבָבֽוֹ “that he should not melt his brothers’ hearts like his heart”. Now “lest his courage flag” does seem like a noble sentiment. But what’s wrong with a melted heart?

We teach about Pharaoh’s hard heart — be it קשה or חזק or כבד, heart, strong, heavy — that it is the source of his downfall. A hard heart has no compassion. It is not a source of love or mercy or wisdom. In the case of Pharaoh, a hard heart is self-destructive stubbornness, pride, or ego; it gets him and thousands others killed.

So you might think then that a melted heart would be the opposite: compassionate, loving, wise, open, good. And you could make an argument that yes, refusing to fight in a war (while others still go fight it for you) is an act of compassion. But that doesn’t seem to be the perspective of the Torah throughout many battles that are both waged by Israel and thrust upon them by predatory enemies. And I think it would be a misreading of the Torah to learn from it that one ought to delegate or outsource one’s uncomfortable or more difficult responsibilities.

I personally like the idea of trying to cultivate a middle-density heart, sort of the Goldilocks of organs. You are neither too hard to open to growth and empathy nor too soft to have a backbone and integrity. Your heart is flexible but firm.

Or maybe the wisdom here is that there is a time for a soft heart and a time for a hard heart. You need a soft heart when you are in power, you are king Pharaoh, to not be carried away by your own might and ignore the needy among you. And you need a hard heart when you are under attack, to rally your strength to protect your family and to rise up to the challenges demanded of you.

This week, especially given the introspective month of Elul, we might ask ourselves: is my heart too melty? Am I disintegrating the hearts of others’ around me with my lack of courage? Or maybe we ask, am I using the right heart for the right moment? Have I come to a moment of tenderness with a hard sharp heart? Or have I been trying to escape difficult situations with false gentleness, slipping out of difficulty with a melted heart, and leaving others to fight my battles for me? Shabbat shalom.